I haven’t blogged for a while because we had a fairly manic weekend a week ago which I may tell you about later. It has taken a bit of time to recover. Occasionally I will see a notice that amuses me so I thought that I would share a few of them with you:
- In a hotel up north: “Sunday lunch. Served on Sunday”. Well I guess Sunday is the best day to serve it – I am not sure I would want a Sunday lunch on a Wednesday.
- In a local park “Dogs on leads must be exercised round the edge of the park”. So dogs off the lead must keep to the middle of the park?
- At the foot of some steps at a supermarket “Warning, trolleys stop beyond this point”. It is difficult enough to get them to go straight let alone push them up a flight of steps! Actually these days supermarket trolleys are much more amenable to my wishes compared to a few years ago when you could guarantee that one wheel would want to go in a different direction to the other three.
- And this notice made me ponder “What was the other half made of (presumably some wood other than oak)?”.
- On a main road the notice Warning – Workforce in the road conjures up images of great holes with the top half of a workman visible. Even the potholes of Buckinghamshire can’t achieve this. I rather suspect that workforce are actually on the road.
- In a doctors’ waiting room next to a No mobile phones notice is the announcement that there is Free WiFi. I am not sure how we should use this free WiFi without our smartphone unless we happen to have a tablet (non-medicinal) about our person. In many hospitals mobile phones were banned because of an unfounded fear that they would interfere with medical equipment but in the waiting room it now is the reasonable desire to avoid loud one-sided conversations.
- Closing down sale – everything must go or Stock clearance – everything must go – well of course everything must go, that’s what sales or clearances are for. You never see Stock clearance – please don’t buy the last ten items do you?
- Information correct at the time of going to press – E&OE was on a newsletter. It looks innocuous enough until you realise that E&OE means Errors and Omissions Excepted. In other words the information might be correct but on the other hand it might not. In reality the intention is to say we have tried our best but we are not perfect and we may have made mistakes.
- On the website for a drug used to treat prostate cancer and it states that it is not for use in women or children. They then go on to say “before you take [this drug], tell your healthcare provider . . . if you plan to become pregnant or are breastfeeding or plan to breastfeed“. Now I know I did geography at school instead of biology but I am fairly certain that if I am not a woman and/or have prostate cancer I am unlikely to be breastfeeding or planning to become pregnant! I guess the wording is the price of living in a litigious society.
- One website said “[a patient] started an unplanned and unexpected journey into the world of prostate cancer . . .” – which makes me wonder who would start a planned journey into the world of prostate cancer . . .
- I can’t help but wonder about the job title of a senior member of our local social services – “Director of Joint Commissioning” . Does that mean that she is in charge of commissioning joints? I have an image of her creeping out of the back door of County Hall, sidling up to a shady individual on a street corner, handing over a wad of used notes and asking them to go out and get a few spliffs. Mind you the way the Council made a hash of their Latsee and other things . . .
- At a local cafe “Till training in progress” made me wonder how you train a till – can you make it sit up and beg?
- I was delivery some post and as I put it through the letterbox I saw a notice that said “Please ring the bell”. I thought for a moment, if I ring the bell, by the time the letter flops onto the mat I will have turned and be on my way to the next house. No, even though it says please ring the bell, I won’t.
- I was reading a sentence on the BBC Website which started “At the time travel company First Bus . . .” and I though ‘wow, they’ve cracked it’. I was a bit disappointed when I carried on reading “At the time travel company First Bus said it faced “unprecedented delays” to services in North Somerset.” I think I needed to take a breath after ‘time’ rather than after ‘Bus’! It was a report on how much delays are costing the UK and if there was any time travel it was only in one direction while sat in a jam on a motorway (where time ceases to exist anyway).
- The Assistive Technology Partnership Board “Are working on a Communications Plan to help them to reach Carers and Service Users using the internet and other mediums, aimed at helping the public to be more aware of what services are available to them. ” Using other mediums immediately conjures up images of seances in County Hall trying to reach out to service users around the county.
- A magistrate, when sentencing a speeding driver, said “It is imperative that we articulate that driving at 100mph on any road, albeit in a car capable of reaching that speed, is unacceptable”. What would be even more amazing would be driving at 100mph in a car not capable of reaching that speed!
We probably know what the author of the notice was trying to say but it can be fun placing an alternative interpretation on the words.